An INFP

Today, I decide to write a post on this blog. Realizing that I seriously need to write down all the thoughts that already are all over the place in my mind. My brain is very hectic, busy doing the things that I can’t even control.

My MBTI test told me that I am an INFP. That explains a lot why I was so reserved and why I always bottle up my emotions. As an INFP, I tend to gain a lot of energy when I am alone. I already know this since I identified myself as an introvert. But INFP is one of a kind. It’s just not another introvert. Although it’s not the rarest type of personality, it’s still one of the rarest.

Consistency

So, it’s been a while since I wrote the last post on this blog. Well, it’s not because I’m that busy. I actually have plenty of time. But, you know, you just cannot do it because you don’t feel like doing it. Like writing or reading have always been my favorite things in the world. But, seriously, is it? I started to question it lately.

They say, if you really like something or someone, you will make time. But it doesn’t seem like I always make time for it. Life’s been very fast paced this time around, especially for me. Night changes. And so did years. I am twenty three right now. But, I feel like twenty one. Like for me, my literal growth stops at twenty one.

Missing The Old Me

Sometimes, I just like it to look at the old pictures. When I’m like giving my best smile and laugh to the camera. Not because I want to look good, but because I sincerely feel happy. Sometimes, I just miss the old me. Who is overthinking but still hate it to hurt others. Who is quite unconfident, but still trying my hardest to be kind to everyone. Even though that means I have to bear a bit of pain.

Magic

I want to fall in love. Really. Deeply. Because love is just like magic. It creates happiness no matter what you feel before. It could be guilt, regret, sadness, but this magic would simply help you finding your most beautiful emotion within yourself and bloom it.

When someone’s in love, it’s easier for them to smile. Their heart feel so much warmer and they radiate happiness. Life can be the thing they are most grateful for. They can tolerate more and forgive often. In their eyes, other people will be much more positive than before. And just because they are so full of love, they can share the love for the people around them.

Euphoria

I thought, I was done with the anxiety and depression. I thought, It was already long gone. Like a piece of my past that always be a part of my history but would definitely never come back. But, I am probably wrong. There is always a possibility. It’s never just zero. It’s always zero point x.

Inner Peace

I’m still in my way to find my own inner peace. A situation when I can sincerely smiling and feeling happy. Even for other people happiness. A day when there isn’t a single jealousy for whoever it is. A time when I can radiate happiness for every single person I meet.

Apology

First and foremost, I’d like to write an apology, especially to myself who already getting so worked up with the situation and my colleague at work. Maybe it was due to my hormonal situation that I’m getting so emotional today and exude anger even to the one who doesn’t know a thing about my problem. I don’t wanna say that I was fully at fault but I don’t wanna blame other people either. I don’t even gonna tell you what had happened today because it was so exhausting to me.

Crossroad

I am in a crossroad. Again. It was just yesterday when I listened to a video about fate, bless and etc. And I simply got to meet this chance again. The man in the video said that when something or someone was fated for you, then no matter wherever you go, no matter how far you’re trying to run away, that special something or someone would just meet you again. In other occasion. And if you decide to turn them down or ignoring them, they would just find you again at the other opportunity and this cycle would just repeat itself until you cherish them and decide to live with them on your side. That’s called fate.

So, I don’t really know what to do right now. There is an opportunity right in  front of my eyes. The same opportunity that I turned down almost two years ago. Not because it’s a bad opportunity. It’s great though. Shining. Many people would like to have the same chance as me.  And actually, it attracted my inner talent. My inner desire that all of this time I hide neatly. It calls me. Maybe that’s what you called passion.

But then again, I’ve been really happy in my one year living here. I learn so many things, experience various of great things. Getting to know the precious and lovely me, getting to let out the real me. So, it’s kind of hard to leave this place, especially all of the sudden. To be honest, I really have a mental breakdown today. Being torn between my comfort zone and the place that attract my passion. Being torn between my own angel and demon which is obviously, I can’t differentiate.

Being torn between two choices. That I never wish would come on my way.

 

Hectic

Today, yesterday and the day before yesterday have been some really hectic days for me. And I just feel like I am drowning in my work life. There is no rest time, I have to continuously thinking about how to solve my problem. The thing is I’ve been given a responsibility to do something I am not capable on doing.

Angel and Devil

When you get older, you’ll become confuse of who’s the real angel and who’s the real devil. Because devil does love to smile. Devil is super friendly. Devil sure want you to enjoy your life to the maximum. And angel isn’t always beautiful. Angel sometimes got mad at you. But, it’s not because he hates you or just naturally unkind. It’s because he care and thinking for your sake.

There are always two sides of a story. And so, angel and devil sometimes switch in our point of view.