Today, I decide to write a post on this blog. Realizing that I seriously need to write down all the thoughts that already are all over the place in my mind. My brain is very hectic, busy doing the things that I can’t even control.
My MBTI test told me that I am an INFP. That explains a lot why I was so reserved and why I always bottle up my emotions. As an INFP, I tend to gain a lot of energy when I am alone. I already know this since I identified myself as an introvert. But INFP is one of a kind. It’s just not another introvert. Although it’s not the rarest type of personality, it’s still one of the rarest.
Sometimes, I hate myself for being this type of personality. Even small criticism can hurt me a lot. And even if it’s just a gesture from someone, I think about it a lot. Overthinking has been in my nature since I don’t know when. And it’s one of the sources of my stress.
I feel like I can sense other’s emotion. I can sense it when someone is annoyed by me, disappointed of me, or doesn’t trust me. And it hurts. I tend to avoid conflict since I know that it would hurt me. I tend to shut down my opinion often because I’m just scared that my words would hurt the other.
But, that is what I thought I was.
In fact, some people may find me annoying. Hard to deal with. Hard to communicate with. And careless. Sometimes, I hurt others without even realize. And this is what stressing me the most. As a person who make decisions more by feeling, I sometimes ignore all the logic and going all out with my feeling. And often, it’s too late when I finally realized that I have done something wrong.
Then guilty will come. Adding more stress to my brain. Like I always ask, when would this cycle end? I hope, I can finally find the way I could live without all this unnecessary stress.
Lost Star 