Saya suka pernyataan yang menyatakan bahwa selalu ada pertama kali untuk setiap hal. Karena entah kenapa, yang pertama memang selalu menarik, yang pertama selalu membuat penasaran dan yang pertama selalu dikenang. Termasuk pertama kalinya saya menjadi instruktur dan mengajar di depan kelas.
Sejak pertama kali menjejakkan kaki di Parigi dan berhadapan dengan dokumen SUSENAS, saya selalu membayangkan apa rasanya jadi pengawas. Bukan karena tugas itu terlihat sedemikian keren atau tampak penting. Hanya penasaran. Dan hanya ingin tahu.
I am in a crossroad. Again. It was just yesterday when I listened to a video about fate, bless and etc. And I simply got to meet this chance again. The man in the video said that when something or someone was fated for you, then no matter wherever you go, no matter how far you’re trying to run away, that special something or someone would just meet you again. In other occasion. And if you decide to turn them down or ignoring them, they would just find you again at the other opportunity and this cycle would just repeat itself until you cherish them and decide to live with them on your side. That’s called fate.
So, I don’t really know what to do right now. There is an opportunity right in front of my eyes. The same opportunity that I turned down almost two years ago. Not because it’s a bad opportunity. It’s great though. Shining. Many people would like to have the same chance as me. And actually, it attracted my inner talent. My inner desire that all of this time I hide neatly. It calls me. Maybe that’s what you called passion.
But then again, I’ve been really happy in my one year living here. I learn so many things, experience various of great things. Getting to know the precious and lovely me, getting to let out the real me. So, it’s kind of hard to leave this place, especially all of the sudden. To be honest, I really have a mental breakdown today. Being torn between my comfort zone and the place that attract my passion. Being torn between my own angel and demon which is obviously, I can’t differentiate.
Being torn between two choices. That I never wish would come on my way.
Lost Star 